Last Will and Testament of a Farmer

I leave...

To my wife - my overdraft at the bank; maybe she can explain it.

To my son - equity in my car; now he'll have to go to work to meet the payments.

To my Banker - my soul; he has the mortgage on it anyway.

To my neighbour - my clown suit; he'll need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

To the Farm Credit Corporation - my unpaid bills; they took some real chances on me and I want to do something for them.

To the Wheat board - my grain bin; I was planning to let them take it next year anyway.

To the Agricultural rep - 50 bushels of Canola to see if he can hit the high market; I never did.

To the junk man - all my machinery; he's had his eye on it for years.

To my undertaker - a special request; I want six implement and fertiliser dealers for my pall bearers (they are used to carrying me).

To the weatherman - rain, sleet and snow for the funeral please; no sense in having good weather now.

To the gravedigger - don't bother; the hole I am in should be big enough.

To the monument maker - set up a jig for the epiaph . "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all his obligations".

Author unknown

© Iain MacNicol