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Getting up at 7am is a lie-in You've run over your own cat in a tractor When someone says they live on an estate you think of fields and woods rather than a barratts development You tut tut at people in tesco buying danish bacon and french bread You don't sit down to a single hot meal in August You fall asleep within 3 minutes of sitting down in front of the tv Your sun tan ends just above the elbow in the summer You've had a live lamb in your aga You get more letters from DEFRA than you do from friends and family You only take the kids to the seaside when it rains You can't drive along a road anywhere in britain without studying everyone else's crops and livestock There are small heaps of grain outside the back door of the house every summer Drilling does not mean putting holes through interior walls Dress sense means cutting down on nitrogen applications Your 4x4 actually goes off road You get frustrated by people calling straw "hay" Your ideal holiday is to visit other peoples farms Your hands look like they are made with the same material as your boots Your bag on your hoover is full of grain from july to september The faint (but agreeable) smell of diesel never leaves you Your most valued possession is your penknife A lamb follows the children into the kitchen and no one thinks it is unusual You confidently walk arround the supermarket in wellies Your lawn includes hundreds of cattle hoof prints You open a bale and discover an old mobile phone or wallet
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